I drew some comics. Yes.

The Creation of Adam

The Creation of Adam is all the more beautiful and humbling because of its hidden neuroanatomy. Perhaps Michelangelo is suggesting that god is created within the human mind. I'm inclined to believe he was a closeted atheist. (His closeted homosexuality is a fact.)  


I've come to realise that all religions demand a suspension of logic. If a hobo told you that fairies live at the bottom of your garden, you'd hopefully exercise a healthy degree of skepticism and investigate before coming to your own conclusions. The only difference is that the crazy hobo is a man that your friends and family seem to respect. And there happens to be a lot of incense, candles and choir. It becomes another way of finding belonging and acceptance.

I find there are far more elegant answers to life's questions.

Caffeine is the Love of my Life

BRING IT ON, MOTHERFUCKERS!

The first time I was properly exposed to caffeine, I was 14. It was the morning of an algebra exam or something and I remember thinking, "I am going to spend 10% of my weekly allowance on one of these energy drinks." Three dollars is a lot of money to a 14 year old schoolgirl. This was back in ye olde days when commercials for energy drinks involved CGI flies getting buzzed and causing chaos on highways. It was really energetic. 

It's been seven years since then and a lot of happened. Much has changed. We've all moved forward and begun with eyes anew, walking upon the stepping stones that mark our passage through this mysterious thing called life. The one constant in my life has been caffeine. Whether in pill-form, energy drinks, coffee or chocolate-coated beans, caffeine has been my longest and most important relationship. 

This is me before caffeine. Maybe around 7:30am.

This is me at the peak of my caffeine high.

It's been hard. Like all relationships, Caffeine and I sometimes fight. It's the same fight, over and over again. I ask Caffeine to do its job and at times, it refuses. Our fights are sometimes violent, particularly if I'm really stressed. 

But we still love each other very much. We go on a "break" every now and then because I think I've had enough and I'm ready to pack my bags but inevitably, I apologise and caffeine takes me back. We go to sleep happy on those nights.

We will continue to work at the cracks within our relationship. I have to learn not to take caffeine for granted; I can't ask impossible things of caffeine and then be disappointed when caffeine can not deliver. Caffeine must be willing to work harder and understand my needs. Either way, I think I've found my life partner.

Student Food!

Remember the food pyramid? Don't worry, neither do I. I probably shouldn't make fun of my eating habits but it's better than feeling unsettled and then actually doing something stupid like washing fruit. 

When I think about washing fruit, 'O Fortuna' plays in my head. 

During stu-vac ("study vacation") my eating just gets out of control. I develop some kind of guilt response because, after a few days, I realise that a diet that consists almost entirely of Doritos and Red Bull is going to make me lethargic and will eventually kill me. There's not a great deal I can do about it besides occasionally scarfing down the occasional banana and telling myself I'll exercise and eat some vegetables after exams. (Though the price of bananas lately is making even this feeble attempt at healthy eating impossible.) Sometimes, I'll start coming up with a lot of excuses.

KFC

Say what you will but there's a lot of protein in a deep-fried chicken breast. Protein is good. It keeps you full for longer. And we all know that chicken breast is a lean meat. It's good for you. If you get a bottle of water and coleslaw with your meal instead of soda pop and P&G, you're virtually on your way to becoming a poster child for NSW Health. The last time I checked, coleslaw is a vegetable. So are potato chips. If you have tomato sauce with your chips, you might as well be a champion of healthy eating. I recall getting a pharmacology lecture and learning that there's something in tomato sauce that's good for you. I rest my case.

Nutella

Food of the gods. And there's a picture of a glass of milk on the jar. Milk is healthy. So are nuts. So you're basically doing yourself a favour by eating a whole jar. I initially felt a bit ripped off when they changed the jars from glass to plastic but in retrospect, this makes them much more light-weight and suitable for backpack transport. Chuck a jar in your bag, steal a plastic spoon from a food court and presto, you have yourself a $4 meal that'll last you for a good few hours! It helps that every tastebud in your mouth will start orgasming with every spoonful. Note: If you're a real Olympian, you can take some wholegrain bread with you and then you have SANDWICH. 

Instant Noodles

No introduction necessary. Usually comes with a little packet of preserved VEGETABLES. Done. 

Vending machine food that tastes suspiciously bitter and doesn't have an expiry date:

Ok, I can't really justify this one. But we've all been there and despite the number of times the stupid machine has eaten your last $5 without so much as spitting out a peanut, we're thankful to Coca Cola Amatil and their large metal food dispensers. (Note: If it does eat your money, you can call them up and they'll send you a money order for the amount you were ROBBED OF. This is pretty fucking amazing.)

As far as I'm concerned, the vending machine is my best friend. The number of Kit Kats and grain chips I've scarfed out of these things is ludicrous. Granted, you have to pay a premium for the convenience but hey, it's exam time. It's not like you're spending money on anything besides the odd packet of highlighters and some buckets to catch all of your tears. 

This one time, I nearly snorted brain juice.

Moral of the Story:
Get a good night's sleep before a school day of 9am-6pm with no breaks.

Tales of a Nerd: The Pen License

I have a problem.

My problem is pens. I have around 500 pens stashed away in my room, stored away in various pencil cases, boxes and drawers. Some of them are old and worn, with ends so chewed they look like they belonged to a puppy with a teething problem. Others are brand new, still wrapped in their original packaging with their barrels full of ink. Some of them are remnants from older days of academic glory, "lucky" pens that suffered alongside my carpal tunnel during what felt like an eternity of exams, "sacrificial" pens that were lent out to friends and returned half a barrel later.

For the most part, I can't bring myself to throw away a pen without a very good reason. I make up feeble excuses; "This was a good pen, I can find an ink refill for it sometime!" or "I'm going to keep this pen so I can google its name later and buy a batch."

You see, it all started when I was seven years old. I was a pretty precocious kid (i.e. Asian) and I was accelerated into the third grade under a new "Gifted and Talented" program. At this point, you should try to bear in mind that most third graders are nine years old and absolute shitheads.

One of my most vivid memories from the third grade was watching those little snots receive these painfully tacky little cards with the school emblem printed on them, declaring their right to use a pen. The Pen Licence. It was kind of like this, only with a lot more comic sans.

Back then, teachers still hadn't figured out how to use the "PC" (air quotes) for anything beyond basic word processing and clip art so we didn't get any fancy borders. We didn't get any product placement either.

This one is a more accurate representation.

In retrospect, it was 60% plastic, 20% texta, 15% comic sans and 10000000000% tacky.

But lord help me, I wanted it.

I wanted it so fucking badly. No, I needed it in my life. In my mind, it was the only thing that stood between me and adulthood. Every waking moment of my life was consumed with thoughts of the Pen Licence. My tiny little mind was going to collapse under the the sheer depth and breadth of my need. Fourteen years on, I still can't recall a time in my life where I've wanted anything so badly.  The Pen Licence had the thumbs up by the prime minister and the government had a list of everyone that had their pen licence. If you were caught using a pen without it, you were going to go to a special jail where you had to do More Homework™ to qualify for the pardon examination. If you wanted to buy a goddamn pen, you needed this goddamn licence. The fucking Principle had signed the back of it, and as every seven year old knows, the Principle is the alpha and omega of everything. Not the queen, the prime minister or even god himself could mess with that kind of authorisation.

You can see where this is heading. My teacher kindly took me aside and told me that I still had to work on my grip and cursive, that it was only natural that my handwriting wouldn't be quite on par with The Other Kids because I was so young and I was doing so well already and I was at the top of the class in so many other areas!

He meant well but I was a little put out.

Still haven't forgiven him.

TL;DR: I really wanted a fucking pen license. Many recess and lunchtimes in the library later, I obtained one. It was a pretty intense feeling when my teacher finally handed me one, signing his name with a flourish. To be honest, I think it was more a combination of incredulous disbelief at my stubbornness and pity that he finally granted me one, but that obviously didn't occur to me at the time. I was on cloud number nine the day that I proudly tucked it into the ID holder of my Hello Kitty purse.

During high school, I had the chance to run into him again at a debating competition he was adjudicating. He recognised me, despite the seven or so years it had been since he'd last seen me. He'd gone on to become a high school English teacher and as I was telling him about my plans for university and we were reminiscing, he started laughing. Apparently, a question I had asked him was forever burned into his memory as an educator. With a slightly worried look, the seven year old me had timidly asked; "Sir, when I go to high school and become grown-up, can I still use this licence for my pen? Or do I have to get another one?"